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Lee: One must first be whole before connecting with another person

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By Donald Lee
Special to Inside The Pew

To anyone anxious about getting into a relationship without first being a complete person: Understand that you cannot be good to anybody else until you can allow God to

"But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto" (Matthew 6:33).

“But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto” (Matthew 6:33).

do a work on the inside of you.

When you allow God to smooth out your rough edges, you won’t subject yourself or your children to domestic abuse. When you allow Him to work on you, your tolerance level for foolishness drops to zero. You begin to understand that it’s not about you running a household in your own understanding, but instead about you allowing Christ’s headship to be the final authority in your family. It’s about kingdom principles being applied in the home.

Singles, if your desire is to be married or in a relationship that potentially leads to marriage, the best thing for you to do is to get into the presence of God — to strive to do what is pleasing to Him. Once you get hooked up with Him, then He knows how to connect you with the one who best complements you.

If you’re praying to God for a mate after having submitted yourself totally to His will for your life, the person He has for you will have a spirit that’s the right fit for who you are, and it has nothing to do with sex. It’s just an overwhelmingly special, holy feeling that grips the both of you, a result of having consulted with God sincerely before proceeding.

And when you seek God first before seeking a relationship with someone else, the Lord defines you (see Matthew 6:33). He lets you know who you are. That saves you the heartache that comes with permitting someone else to damage your self-esteem through the definition of you that he wants you

Donald Lee

Donald Lee

to have rather than the one God has given you.

When you allow God to prepare you for someone else, you’ll have a greater appreciation for that person and vice versa. And you can “see” one another. In other words, the two of you can see into one another’s hearts and discern agape love, an authentic, heavenly love — the kind of love that is best expressed through people who are committed whole-heartedly to the Lord.

So, the best way to significantly increase the likelihood of your entering into a truly loving relationship is to simply put God first. He will make you complete.

Donald Lee, co-author of the relationships book “Married to Commitment,” is founder-pastor of Kingdom Living Christian Center in Dallas. He can be contacted at

pastordonjlee@yahoo.com or (225) 773-2248. Visit him online at http://www.christiancouplesconference.com. Follow him on Twitter at @donaldj_lee. You can also write him at P.O. Box 211186, Dallas, TX. 75211. 

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Building better relationships for stronger marriages

Published by:

By Donald Lee
Special to Inside The Pew

With the divorce rate – roughly 50 percent of marriages in the United States – continuing to threaten the family unit, we must do everything we can to reverse the abysmal pattern many homes are falling into.

The best way to combat this epidemic is to lay down the foundation for a wholesome home by sharing the biblically based, yet practical, principles that lead to changed attitudes toward self and relationships. And it is for this reason that I am teaming up with a fellow Christian author, Dr. Aimee (pronounced I-may) Colbert, to host the Christian Couples Conference in the Fort Worth area on July 7 at Grace Church, 4740 Western Center Blvd., in Haltom City. There’ll be two sessions, one from 11 a.m. to 2 p.m., and the other from 5 to 8 p.m.

The conference is free.

“The purpose of the conference is to help each individual, married or not, to increase his or her emotional intelligence and self-awareness,” said Colbert, an evangelist, faith-based counselor and author of the upcoming book, “Reality Check: Relationships.”

“I hope that attendees come to a better understanding of themselves, get answers and go forward with a passion to change and a new perspective on love,” Colbert said. “It’s not only for couples. It’s for couples and anyone seeking to be married some day.”

The idea is to reinforce the need for individuals to understand themselves, to have a healthy appreciation of their own self-worth and discern whether someone else has the wholesome spirit that is needed to best complement them. Strong relationships are built on wisdom and humility. And they thrive when those entering into them have genuine, sincere hearts rooted in the spirit of giving.

When someone approaches a relationship with the mindset of seeing what they can add to that relationship to help make the other person’s life easier, better, that produces a powerful connection, one that reflects the attributes of God. But when someone enters into relationships with a “gimme” attitude, always seeking to make withdrawals from the other person’s heart and rarely (if ever) making deposits, then that not only strains the relationship, but it gradually tears down the other person.

So, we want to stress that people have a health attitude toward themselves. A person can’t be sufficiently good to someone else if he (or she) has a negative view of himself (or herself).

Topics Colbert and I will cover at the conference include: “Twenty Questions You Must Ask Your Mate Before You Get Married”; “Twenty Signs That He/She is Not the One”; “Are You Addicted to Bad Relationships?”; and “Evaluating Your Expectations in Your Relationship,” just to name a few.

The conference will be recorded on CD and some video. The content will be available following the conference.

“The conference will be very eye-opening,” Colbert says. “Couples and singles should come prepared to learn. They should invite as many people as they possibly can, as we will be sharing information that they will probably never hear anywhere else. This will be a life-changing event in their lives.”

For more information about the free conference, including registration, visit http://www.christiancouplesconference.com.

Donald Lee is founder-pastor of Kingdom Living Christian Center in Dallas and co-author of “Married to Commitment,” the powerful Xulon Press-published book on relationships. To order “Married to Commitment” online, visit http://www.xulonpress.com. Follow Lee on Twitter at @donaldj_lee. Dr. Aimee Colbert also is on Twitter at @aimeetweets4u. The first chapter of Dr. Colbert’s book, “Reality Check,” already is available for download from the conference’s Web site. Also, call in to their Blogtalk radio show at 1 p.m. (Central Standard Time) every Saturday by calling (646) 652-4405. Lee’s and Colbert’s e-mail addresses are pastordonjlee@yahoo.com and aimee­_colbert@yahoo.com, respectively.