By Donald Lee
Special to Inside The Pew

To anyone anxious about getting into a relationship without first being a complete person: Understand that you cannot be good to anybody else until you can allow God to

"But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto" (Matthew 6:33).

“But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto” (Matthew 6:33).

do a work on the inside of you.

When you allow God to smooth out your rough edges, you won’t subject yourself or your children to domestic abuse. When you allow Him to work on you, your tolerance level for foolishness drops to zero. You begin to understand that it’s not about you running a household in your own understanding, but instead about you allowing Christ’s headship to be the final authority in your family. It’s about kingdom principles being applied in the home.

Singles, if your desire is to be married or in a relationship that potentially leads to marriage, the best thing for you to do is to get into the presence of God — to strive to do what is pleasing to Him. Once you get hooked up with Him, then He knows how to connect you with the one who best complements you.

If you’re praying to God for a mate after having submitted yourself totally to His will for your life, the person He has for you will have a spirit that’s the right fit for who you are, and it has nothing to do with sex. It’s just an overwhelmingly special, holy feeling that grips the both of you, a result of having consulted with God sincerely before proceeding.

And when you seek God first before seeking a relationship with someone else, the Lord defines you (see Matthew 6:33). He lets you know who you are. That saves you the heartache that comes with permitting someone else to damage your self-esteem through the definition of you that he wants you

Donald Lee

Donald Lee

to have rather than the one God has given you.

When you allow God to prepare you for someone else, you’ll have a greater appreciation for that person and vice versa. And you can “see” one another. In other words, the two of you can see into one another’s hearts and discern agape love, an authentic, heavenly love — the kind of love that is best expressed through people who are committed whole-heartedly to the Lord.

So, the best way to significantly increase the likelihood of your entering into a truly loving relationship is to simply put God first. He will make you complete.

Donald Lee, co-author of the relationships book “Married to Commitment,” is founder-pastor of Kingdom Living Christian Center in Dallas. He can be contacted at or (225) 773-2248. Visit him online at Follow him on Twitter at @donaldj_lee. You can also write him at P.O. Box 211186, Dallas, TX. 75211. 

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Editor’s note: This is an excerpt from “Reality Check: Relationships” by Aimee Colbert.

By Aimee Colbert
Special to Inside The Pew

Many times after a relationship is over, people wonder where things went wrong. Sometimes they wonder why they didn’t see

Aimee Colbert

the signs that their ex was not the right one for them. These thoughts can go round and round a person’s mind but without real answers, they won’t be able to avoid the same thing happening to them in the future. It’s not hard to read people. The issue here is that when someone is overtaken by the excitement of feeling in love, they often times are too distracted to notice red flags.

1. They don’t laugh at your jokes.

What you find humorous is the authentic you. When someone doesn’t laugh at what you do, it shows that you have a major difference in reasoning on a neurological level. In short, they don’t get you and when someone doesn’t get you, it’s hard for them to like you.
2. They are annoyed by what you enjoy.

You’re not going to be exactly alike and you shouldn’t be but when the person you’re with doesn’t understand what makes you happy, they won’t be able to make you happy or show support when you need it.
3. They don’t like talking to you for a long time.

Someone who isn’t really into you will not be able to endure you long term. After a while, they’ll become less and less interested in having talks with you. This is an indicator that you’re on two different pages.
4. They ignore you unless you’re doing something that they like or want you to do.

If your mate ignores you unless you’re doing what they want, giving them something they want, they’re using you. Whether they’re using you emotionally, sexually or financially, they’re using you and you’ll know by a feeling that you are being used. A person that uses you isn’t interested in your happiness and doesn’t respect you.

5. They don’t show concern when you’re hurt.

When you’re with someone who doesn’t really love you, it’s easy to see. Love is obvious. When someone loves you, they share your pain. When you hurt, they hurt. They sense when you’re hurting and they react to your pain. The rest of the signs are outlined in my book “Reality Check: Relationships.” In it, I cover many topics, ranging from questions that every person should ask before getting married to neuropsychological reasons why people enter into and endure bad relationships.

Aimee Colbert of Fort Worth is an ordained minister, author and public speaker. Follow her on Facebook and on Twitter @AimeeTweets4U. For more relationship content from Colbert, visit